The Truth About Forgiveness: Why It Is So Hard.


Estimated reading time: 7 minutes

What Forgiveness Means?

Forgiveness is the act or process of letting go of anger, resentment, and hurt caused by someone else’s actions. It involves choosing to release negative emotions towards someone who has wronged us and, instead, offering understanding, compassion, and empathy. Forgiveness, however, is not about forgetting what happened or condoning bad behaviour, but rather, it is a conscious decision to move forward and let go of negative emotions that are holding us back. It is a way to free ourselves from the burden of negative feelings and to promote emotional healing and well-being. Forgiveness can be a challenging process, but it has the power to bring peace, healing, and renewed relationships.

How can you ever find it in your heart to forgive someone who betrayed your trust and perhaps shattered your childhood dreams, altering the very course of your life? Is genuine forgiveness even possible in such a situation? A person’s word should be their bond and should not be so easily broken. Read more on this in this post on forgiveness versus acceptance.

What does it mean to say: let your word be your bond?

The phrase “let your word be your bond” means that a person’s words and promises should be reliable and trustworthy. To the point where they can be considered as binding as a written agreement or contract. It implies that if you say you will do something, you should follow through on your commitment. And be accountable for your actions. It emphasizes the importance of honesty, integrity, and responsibility in personal and professional relationships.

Why forgiveness is so hard.

Forgiveness is often considered one of the most challenging things a person can do. It involves letting go of resentment, anger and hurt caused by someone else’s actions. While the act of forgiveness can be incredibly healing, it’s not always easy to achieve. There are several reasons why forgiveness can be so hard.

1. Forgiveness Requires Vulnerability.

When we forgive someone, we are essentially saying that we are willing to put ourselves out there and trust that the other person won’t hurt us again. This can be incredibly difficult, especially if we’ve been hurt by someone in the past. It can feel like we’re setting ourselves up to be hurt again, which makes the act of forgiveness scary.

2. The Betrayal.

Forgiveness can feel like a betrayal of our own values. We may feel like we’re letting someone “off the hook” for their actions or that we’re saying that what they did was okay. This can be especially true when the person who hurt us hasn’t shown any remorse or taken steps to make things right. It can feel like forgiving them is sending the message that what they did was acceptable, which can be a difficult pill to swallow.

3. Challenging Process.

Forgiveness can be a long and challenging process. It’s not something that can always be achieved in a single conversation or even a single day. Forgiveness requires time, effort, and a willingness to work through our own emotions and reactions. Sometimes, it can be very tempting to give up on the process if we don’t see immediate results, but that can also mean giving up on the potential healing that forgiveness can bring.

4. Power Struggle.

Forgiveness can be hard because it may feel like we’re giving up our power. This is so because, when we hold onto anger and resentment towards someone else, it can feel like we’re in control – we’re holding them accountable for their actions and not letting them get away with it. Thus, forgiveness can feel like giving up that control and surrendering to the other person. This can be difficult, especially if we’ve been hurt in a way that made us feel powerless in the first place.

5. Facing Emotions.

Finally, forgiveness can be hard because it requires us to face our own emotions and reactions. It can be easier to hold onto anger and resentment towards someone else than to confront our own pain and hurt. Forgiveness requires us to acknowledge our own feelings and work through them in a way that is healthy, which can, however, be a difficult and uncomfortable process.

In essence, forgiveness is a complex and challenging process that requires vulnerability, time, effort, and a willingness to confront our own emotions. While it’s not always easy, the act of forgiveness can be incredibly healing and, thus, can help us move forward in our lives. By understanding why forgiveness can be so hard. We can work through our emotions and reactions and move towards a place of healing and peace.

How Forgiveness Heals.

Forgiveness has the power to heal emotional wounds and promote well-being in several ways, such as:

1. Forgiveness can reduce feelings of anger, resentment, and hurt.

When we hold onto negative emotions towards someone who has wronged us, it can cause us to feel stressed, anxious, and unhappy. By choosing to forgive, we release these emotions that are negative. And create space for positive emotions like empathy and compassion.

2. Forgiveness can promote emotional healing.

Holding onto anger and resentment can cause emotional wounds that don’t heal and can even lead to physical health problems. Forgiveness allows us to address these wounds and work towards healing them. It can also promote feelings of self-worth and self-love, which are essential for emotional healing.

3. Forgiveness can improve relationships.

When we forgive someone, we are opening the door to the possibility of renewed relationships. It can also strengthen our relationships with ourselves as we release negative self-talk and self-blame that may be holding us back.

4. Forgiveness can reduce stress and promote physical health.

Holding onto negative emotions can cause stress in our bodies. Leading to health issues such as high blood pressure, heart disease and more. By choosing to forgive, we reduce stress and promote overall physical health and well-being.

5. Forgiveness can promote personal growth and resilience.

When we choose to forgive, we are demonstrating strength and courage. It allows us to move forward from difficult situations and boosts our ability to cope with future challenges.

Forgiveness has the power to heal emotional wounds, promote well-being, improve relationships, reduce stress, and promote personal growth and resilience. While it can be a challenging process, the act of forgiveness has the potential to transform our lives and bring peace and healing to ourselves and those around us.

How To Forgive: Forgiveness Steps To Follow.

Practising forgiveness can be a transformative process. If you’re wondering how to forgive and looking for forgiveness steps, follow these simple guidelines:

1. Acknowledge and accept emotions:

To forgive, start by recognizing and accepting any pain, anger, or resentment you may be experiencing. It’s important to allow yourself to feel these emotions without judgment.

2. Understand the situation:

Gain a deeper understanding of the circumstances that led to the hurt or offence. Reflect on why it happened, your role in it, and its impact on you. This perspective helps foster empathy and compassion.

3. Shift your perspective:

Shift your perspective: Put yourself in the other person’s shoes to gain a broader outlook. Understand their motivations, struggles, and vulnerabilities. This change in perspective can facilitate empathy and understanding.

4. Release expectations:

Release expectations: Let go of any expectations you may have regarding an apology or acknowledgement from the other person. Holding onto these expectations hinders your ability to forgive and move forward.

5. Practice self-care:

Prioritize self-care activities that promote emotional well-being. Engage in mindfulness exercises, meditation, journaling, or seek support from loved ones. Creating a conducive environment for forgiveness is crucial.

6. Set boundaries:

Establish clear boundaries to protect yourself from further harm. Forgiveness doesn’t mean subjecting yourself to repeated hurtful behaviour. Communicate your boundaries assertively and maintain them.

7. Choose forgiveness:

Choose forgiveness: Forgiveness is a conscious choice. After working through your emotions and gaining perspective, make a deliberate decision to forgive. Understand that forgiveness benefits you by freeing you from resentment.

8. Cultivate empathy and compassion:

Practice empathy and compassion towards the person who hurt you. Recognize their humanity and their capacity for mistakes or change. This softens your heart and makes forgiveness easier.

9. Let go of resentment:

Let go of resentment: Release resentment and grudges you may be holding onto. These negative emotions perpetuate your suffering. Practice letting go and freeing yourself from the past.

10. Seek support if needed:

Forgiveness can be challenging, and seeking support from trusted friends, family, therapists, or support groups can be immensely helpful. They provide guidance, a listening ear, and a safe space to express your emotions.

Remember, forgiveness is a personal journey that takes time. Be patient with yourself and celebrate each step forward, regardless of how small. By following these forgiveness steps, you can promote healing and growth.

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